A perfect evening ruined

So I am a baking freak. I like to bake more than almost anything. I find it soothing and creative and something I can do while working things out in my mind. I had planned on the perfect evening: run, shower, comfy clothes, homework, baking, movie, sleep.  Everything was going as planned until my mother came home and started trying to tell me I was making the cookies wrong. I do not make cookies wrong. It is impossible for me to make cookies wrong. I got my cookies all rolled and cut out and placed on the baking sheet and into the preheated oven and retreated back to my room so everyone would leave me alone. The timer dings 25 minutes later and I discover that my mother, has turned off the over and put my bowl off half full cookie dough in the sink. SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE HELL?! 

A positive post

I swear exercise endorphins are amazing. I love to exercise. I could do it all day everyday. Tredmill, pilates, and yoga. A perfect evening. I feel so giddy! 

Too many

I have like 50 things that I feel like I should write about, bouncing around in my head right now and I can't seem to pin one down and its really pushing me to my limits. 

I think the biggest thing on my mind is how lonely I have been feeling lately. My two true best friends are off in Rhode Island and SoCal, and even though we haven't been talking as much lately I still know that they are there for me, and that we are going to have a kick ass summer together. The girls who I though were my best friends here have pretty much cut me out. I figured it would happen with one of them when she got a boyfriend, but I was surprised when she was still hanging out with the other friend. Fine. Whatever. I guess its time for me to move on anyways, but they could have at least grown some balls and said something to my face instead of just ignoring phone calls and texts. The worst part is that I still have to work with these girls. 

I see a few other friends on occasion but even then I don't really feel like I am connecting with them. I have gotten too good at not becoming emotionally involved with people. 

I crave human connection, but instead I am putting all of energy into my ever faithful running shoes and a battered old journal. 

There is more to say, but its not really coming out the way I would like it too. 

My Song of the Day: Never There-Cake

Bass, 4-H, Design and Wavy Hair

I love my Bass guitar. Like hardcore, with all my heart. Its giving me something to focus on and occupy my time. Each time I hold it and play it, it feels a little bit more natural and more comforting. Its restored my drive to learn music, and I am now picking up the piano again. *muah!* I love it! 

I am really ready for it to be 4-H Camp and Fair so I can be done. I really need this to be off my plate so I can move on and focus on the future. I can't take the drama after everything that went down last year. I get panic attacks and anxiety to the point where I should be taking something for them. I can't eat, I dread the phone and e-mail. Its really not even stuff that I am directly involved with anymore, but because my mum is that means I am. Going to the ranch for swine meetings, or to work with the horses makes me want to throw-up. I can't wait to leave, and I feel bad about that because I am not really present for the kids. 

I sold my first original design today. Its the first garment that I have completed from design to final product, and I did it in 4 days. I am insanely proud of myself! I am working to get my sewing room set up so its easier to work on projects. I am looking forward to being able to have my fleet of 3 very old sewing machines set up all the time. I will also be sharing my space with my treadmill, bike and stair stepper but thats okay because I love those too. Besides losing weight and toning up goes hand in hand with me having to make myself new clothes right?Ugh only 5 weeks till the wedding. Time to get hard core about that. 

My dad made an interesting comment about me yesterday. He said he couldn't remember what my natural hair looks like. He wasn't being negative, just kind of reflective. He asked me why I never wore it natural. And I said I do sometimes. But it really made me think and I realized that I only wear my hair wavy and natural on the days that I am feeling really positive and self confident about myself. I think its because when I let my hair do whatever the hell it wants its not perfect. At least with straight hair or fake curls I have some control over it. I quite like my hair big and wavy and all over the place and am going to wear it like that more. 

Now for the Currents

Currently:

Watching:

Garden State

Songs of the Week are:

Showerhead-Eve 6

If You Seek Amy- Britney Spears

Do Somthin'-Britney Spears

Hey Montana-Eve 6

Lightning Crashes- Live

The Distance-Cake

Devotion and Desire-Bayside

Beneath the Encasing of Ashes (Entire Album)-As I Lay Dying

I Like It Rough-Lady Gaga

Reading:

Careers in Film Production 

Crafting:

A clean room and then I plan to start knitting again! 

And the AA I will be studying is....

*drum roll*

AA in Film/T.V. Production with and emphasis in Editing and Costume Design

At least for now! 

De Anza

I will be at De Anza in the fall. 

I am trying to decide what to get my AA degree in, and plan my school schedule for the fall. 

The problem is, I can never make up my mind....SO MANY CHOICES!! 

Time to result to the dart method! 

A Brief Update

So things have been getting better. Last night was amazing in ways that I cannot describe. It was unexpected and exciting. I am really at a loss for words. 

*insert happy spaz dance here*