restraint

I feel as though I should spill everything on to paper, tell someone how close I was, how scared and saying he saved me was not a metaphor but reality. I don't know what is holding me back from telling someone. I haven't even admitted to myself how much he impacted my life. I don't think I could stand the pain.

Perhaps that is what is holding me back from visiting his grave, Angies grave and my Grandma's grave. Perhaps facing the people who have had the biggest impact on me is too much to bear. Perhaps I am a coward.